Top 5 Reasons Why I Wish I Was Best Friends With Edgar Allan Poe

For a long time I've been a very big fan of Edgar Allan Poe and his spooky writings. My most favorite probably, besides the classic and most well known "The Raven," of all his writings has got to be "Annabel Lee." I originally thought about writing my Top 5 Reasons about Mr. Poe for Halloween, but decided instead to show pictures of my Halloween costumes from years past, so even though this is a somewhat "Halloween-ish" type of Top 5 Reasons, I thought it could still be done. Edgar Allan Poe does not only apply to Halloween, obviously. So here is my Top 5 Reasons for why I think it would be totally gnarly (and completely beneficial for him) for me to be best friends with Edgar Allan Poe.

EAP and Me

1. ORPHANED YOUNG: Edgar Allan Poe's history and past are not exactly bright and happy (surprise, surprise!) and his troubles began when he was young. His mother died not long after his father abandoned the both of them, leaving him to be taken care of by the John and Frances Allan, who never officially adopted him. If I was friends with him at the time I would of said, "Hey there, don't be so sad, lets go hang out with the Allans, and everything will be a-okay. Who needs that crappy father of your's? Not you! You're better off without that old idiot, lets go read some books and shit!" Instant cheer-er up-er, that's me! 
2. VIRGINIA CLEMM: Now, obviously things were not looking up once again for dear old Poe, because he married his 13 year old cousin. Little weird right? Well there are many sides to this story. First off, the age gap. She was only 13 and he was 27, again, weird. Then there is the suspicion that their relationship was more like brother and sister, and that the marriage was never even consummated, but there is also the fact that her death seriously effected dear old Edgar. After her death at 24 he became a heavy alcoholic and wrote often of young women dying, and where would Edgar Allan Poe be without stories of death? He wouldn't be Edgar Allan Poe, one of the most famous American poets, would he now!? So if I were his friend at the time I may have to step out and let him wallow in his own sorrow for a while, for the good of the art, that is. I could pat him on the back now and then and say, "Hey, cheer up, you're gonna be famous one day!," and he would say, "What does 'gonna' mean?! Were you ever educated!?," and I would say, "Hey! I'm from the future, relax a bit!," and he would go on crying and drinking and writing some real dark stuff, as things should be. 
3. TAMERLANE AND OTHER POEMS: This time in Poe's life would have been perfect for a girl like me, because even though after his first publication of poems ("Tamerlane and Other Poems," 1827) was basically ignored until his publication of "The Raven" was made popular, he still felt like he could make a career out of writing. Add me to that situation and I'm like the sideline cheerleader, yelling things like, "Don't worry! Original copies of 'Tamerlane and Other Poems' will be worth more than you will ever make in your lifetime in the future! Woo! Keep writing!" 
4. DEATH: In this hypothetical land of Edgar Allan Poe and Victoria being the bestest of best friends, his death would of been something of great sadness to me. I could of been there during one of the many suspicious stories of his death. (1) Beaten to death: I could of stood up for my main man, EAP, and helped the poor dying man walk to the hospital instead of being found in a gutter. It's the little things that count obviously. (2) Cooping: Other theories suggest that he was the pawn in a political agenda of forcing and drugging people to vote for a certain person in an election and was left for dead. Admittedly, I am not that strong of a person, so if this was the cause of his death and I was somehow near, I doubt I could prevent it, but you can't prevent what is supposed to happen in time, right? (Did Back to the Future teach us nothing!?) (3) Rabies: If this was the cause of death, I would of sat by his side and said reassuring things like, "You will live on forever in the minds of all who study American literature!," which leads me to...
5. LEGACY: Obviously Edgar Allan Poe is now a household name, but how would he have ever known that? From the loss of family, horrible hardships, the death of his wife, the failure of writing, I'm guessing that he never would of contemplated that his poems would live forever, his homes would eventually be turned into museums, that he would influence countless of future writers, artists, musicians, etc. So at the end of the day, being best friends with someone so famous would be a complete honor... although at the end of the day, what did you really accomplish? Nothing really. You were just riding on the coat tails of someone down in the dumps would would eventually be something grand. Totally lame. So maybe this post should be entitled "Top 5 Reasons Why I Wish I WAS Edgar Allan Poe," which I did contemplate naming and writing about originally, but then I thought the whole marrying a cousin and dying of some unknown cause and living horribly my whole life is not something anyone would ever want to emulate. But there is one thing we can all agree on, Edgar Allan Poe was one awesome individual who's history lives on year and years after his existence, and that is totally gnarly.
   
   
   
   
   
   
   Edgar Allan Poe links:
   Death | Museum in Richmond, Virginia | Poems and stories | The Edgar Allan Poe Society of Baltimore | Quotes | Books available on Amazon | Books available on Half.com
   
   Mondays are "Top 5 Reasons" days, so stay tuned for more!
   
   P.S. "The Raven" movie that is supposed to come out next year seems to be lacking everything Edgar Allan Poe's work was about (they seemed to have turned it into a Halloween cliché type of movie, and I'm not into it), so I doubt I'll be going to see it.