Top 5 Reasons Why I Wish I Was Best Friends With Edgar Allan Poe

For a long time I've been a very big fan of Edgar Allan Poe and his spooky writings. My most favorite probably, besides the classic and most well known "The Raven," of all his writings has got to be "Annabel Lee." I originally thought about writing my Top 5 Reasons about Mr. Poe for Halloween, but decided instead to show pictures of my Halloween costumes from years past, so even though this is a somewhat "Halloween-ish" type of Top 5 Reasons, I thought it could still be done. Edgar Allan Poe does not only apply to Halloween, obviously. So here is my Top 5 Reasons for why I think it would be totally gnarly (and completely beneficial for him) for me to be best friends with Edgar Allan Poe.

EAP and Me

1. ORPHANED YOUNG: Edgar Allan Poe's history and past are not exactly bright and happy (surprise, surprise!) and his troubles began when he was young. His mother died not long after his father abandoned the both of them, leaving him to be taken care of by the John and Frances Allan, who never officially adopted him. If I was friends with him at the time I would of said, "Hey there, don't be so sad, lets go hang out with the Allans, and everything will be a-okay. Who needs that crappy father of your's? Not you! You're better off without that old idiot, lets go read some books and shit!" Instant cheer-er up-er, that's me! 
2. VIRGINIA CLEMM: Now, obviously things were not looking up once again for dear old Poe, because he married his 13 year old cousin. Little weird right? Well there are many sides to this story. First off, the age gap. She was only 13 and he was 27, again, weird. Then there is the suspicion that their relationship was more like brother and sister, and that the marriage was never even consummated, but there is also the fact that her death seriously effected dear old Edgar. After her death at 24 he became a heavy alcoholic and wrote often of young women dying, and where would Edgar Allan Poe be without stories of death? He wouldn't be Edgar Allan Poe, one of the most famous American poets, would he now!? So if I were his friend at the time I may have to step out and let him wallow in his own sorrow for a while, for the good of the art, that is. I could pat him on the back now and then and say, "Hey, cheer up, you're gonna be famous one day!," and he would say, "What does 'gonna' mean?! Were you ever educated!?," and I would say, "Hey! I'm from the future, relax a bit!," and he would go on crying and drinking and writing some real dark stuff, as things should be. 
3. TAMERLANE AND OTHER POEMS: This time in Poe's life would have been perfect for a girl like me, because even though after his first publication of poems ("Tamerlane and Other Poems," 1827) was basically ignored until his publication of "The Raven" was made popular, he still felt like he could make a career out of writing. Add me to that situation and I'm like the sideline cheerleader, yelling things like, "Don't worry! Original copies of 'Tamerlane and Other Poems' will be worth more than you will ever make in your lifetime in the future! Woo! Keep writing!" 
4. DEATH: In this hypothetical land of Edgar Allan Poe and Victoria being the bestest of best friends, his death would of been something of great sadness to me. I could of been there during one of the many suspicious stories of his death. (1) Beaten to death: I could of stood up for my main man, EAP, and helped the poor dying man walk to the hospital instead of being found in a gutter. It's the little things that count obviously. (2) Cooping: Other theories suggest that he was the pawn in a political agenda of forcing and drugging people to vote for a certain person in an election and was left for dead. Admittedly, I am not that strong of a person, so if this was the cause of his death and I was somehow near, I doubt I could prevent it, but you can't prevent what is supposed to happen in time, right? (Did Back to the Future teach us nothing!?) (3) Rabies: If this was the cause of death, I would of sat by his side and said reassuring things like, "You will live on forever in the minds of all who study American literature!," which leads me to...
5. LEGACY: Obviously Edgar Allan Poe is now a household name, but how would he have ever known that? From the loss of family, horrible hardships, the death of his wife, the failure of writing, I'm guessing that he never would of contemplated that his poems would live forever, his homes would eventually be turned into museums, that he would influence countless of future writers, artists, musicians, etc. So at the end of the day, being best friends with someone so famous would be a complete honor... although at the end of the day, what did you really accomplish? Nothing really. You were just riding on the coat tails of someone down in the dumps would would eventually be something grand. Totally lame. So maybe this post should be entitled "Top 5 Reasons Why I Wish I WAS Edgar Allan Poe," which I did contemplate naming and writing about originally, but then I thought the whole marrying a cousin and dying of some unknown cause and living horribly my whole life is not something anyone would ever want to emulate. But there is one thing we can all agree on, Edgar Allan Poe was one awesome individual who's history lives on year and years after his existence, and that is totally gnarly.
   
   
   
   
   
   
   Edgar Allan Poe links:
   Death | Museum in Richmond, Virginia | Poems and stories | The Edgar Allan Poe Society of Baltimore | Quotes | Books available on Amazon | Books available on Half.com
   
   Mondays are "Top 5 Reasons" days, so stay tuned for more!
   
   P.S. "The Raven" movie that is supposed to come out next year seems to be lacking everything Edgar Allan Poe's work was about (they seemed to have turned it into a Halloween cliché type of movie, and I'm not into it), so I doubt I'll be going to see it.

Top 5 Reasons Why I Wish I Was Boba Fett

Now if you know anything about me, you know that I am a huge Star Wars fan. Anything Star Wars and I'm totally into it, which is how I came up with this post. Now I know some die-hard Star Wars fans out there think that Boba Fett is nothing more than a glorified hit man, while I think he's pretty bad ass, even if he got knocked into the pitt of the Sarlacc. The San Francisco Chronicle describes Boba Fett fans as, "among the most passionate," and you can count me in that bunch, so here are my top 5 reasons why I wish I was Boba Fett.

Boba Victoria

1. MANDALORIAN WARRIOR: Doesn't that title just sound awesome? I mean, if there's anyone out there that you don't want to get caught in a battle with, it's someone called a "Mandalorian warrior." Mandalorians are most well known for their amazing armor (it's known that trooper armor is based on the battle armor and gear of the Mandalorians). Because of their awesome armor, which varies from person to person, they're trade of choice is bounty hunting, hence the most well known of all Mandalorians, BOBA FETT. So, basically, being Boba Fett is like being a bad-ass 24/7. Who wouldn't want that?! 
2. HANGIN' WITH THE SITHS: Obviously Boba and Siths do not always see eye to eye, but working for such an elite Sith Lord, like Darth Vader obviously has it's perks ($.$). Plus, a Boba always needs money for the ladies and to keep his ship, Slave I, in tip top shape! 
3. CLONE CHILD: This may not sound like a cool reason to want to be Boba Fett, but I think it's pretty cool, because you were the one clone that got to be special, when all the rest had to be made into little slave warrior workers (bummer bro). Plus, growing up as Boba Fett, you could always just replace yourself with a clone to get out of class and other unfortunate situations, because it's like having a million twins! Plus you're "father" is Jango!
4. CAPTURING HAN SOLO: This little bit is a conflicting one for me, because I'm a huge Han Solo fan, yet when I put myself in Boba Fett's shoes (boots, blaster boots, etc.) I tend to think that capturing and freezing him in carbonite is my total claim to fame and my shining moment. So while I love me some Han Solo, I have to admit, capturing him (for the brief moment in time that he was actually captured) being Boba Fett is like floating on cloud 9. 
5. BAD-ASS-NESS: If you've only seen the movies, then you don't know that this happens. THE FETT ALWAYS WINS!
   
   
   
   
   
   Remember, Mondays are 'Top 5 Reasons' days, so stay tuned for more.

Top 5 Reasons Why I Wish I Was Iron (Wo)Man

Obviously there is Iron Woman comic book character out there, but who really thinks about that, it's all about Iron MAN, isn't it? Well I'm not a man, but I'd love to fill the suit of Iron Man, just as Toni did for her older brother Tony. Obviously a lot of the male attributions will have to be changed, because in reality I have no desire whatsoever to be a man, I want to be a superhero woman! So here are the top 5 reasons why it would be totally kick-ass to be Iron Man (WOMAN). 

Me after a long day at work.

1. BILLIONAIRE PLAYBOYGIRL: Money makes the world go round, ca$h homie, yeah, dolla dolla bill y'all, etc. etc. You know what I'm talking about. Total financial freedom? Cash at your finger tips at all hours of the day? More money to buy books, and build yourself a sweet superhero costume? SIGN ME UP! Besides the obviously technology costs I would spend I would also spend my billions of dollars on: (1) Kittens (2) Clothes (3) Books - as already mentioned (4) And anything else I could get my billionaire hands on. As for the whole playboygirl part, I would say, let's get me a private jet and instead of pretty men dancing around for me, give me some Disney movies and a bunch of kittens to hug and play with. 
2. REPLUSOR RAYS: You know what I'm talkin' about. Those shiny rays that shoot out from Iron Man's plams, totally awesome, right? I mean, the possibilities for that kind of technology are endless, but I know one thing for sure, it would make shaking hands very interesting indeed. 
3. MAGNETIC CHEST PLATE: I know, it may be a little creepy to have this sunken hole in the middle of your chest (reminds me a LOT of this, horrible, I know), but if it's keeping you alive from shrapnel reaching your heart, then I'm all for it. Make the best of a bad situation, that is what Tony did, so if I were him (her) I would be all for it. After the iron suit is made, then it just acts as complete power/a real fashion statement, am I right? Or am I right?
4. SMARTYPANTS: Obviously to be able to make your own body suit of superhero proportions, you gotta have the brains to do it, and that's an ideal reason as to why anyone would want to be Iron (Wo)Man. You can amaze everyone with your witty snarky-Stark remarks easy peasy. Why, you ask? Because you're the smartest smartypants out there, and you're kicking ass as Iron (Wo)Man!
5. AVENGERS: Finally you get to be a part of this crew, and who wouldn't want to be a part of the cool gang?
   
   
   
   Remember, Mondays are Top 5 Reasons days, so stay tuned for more.

Top 5 Reasons Why I Wish I Was In The Grid (Tron)

Original or new, I love Tron. It's one huge geek happy land of blue and I'm totally into it, as I'm sure all my readers are, which is why I thought of this new list of Top 5 Reasons, because at the end of the day, who wouldn't want to be on the grid?

Me in my true Yori form inside the Grid. 

1. BEING A PROGRAM: Now, I know, this doesn't sound all that exciting, by the sheer fact that when you are on the grid, unless you're a user and have somehow been put on the grid, then you are a program, but being a program has it's perks too. Don't think that programs are all boring just because they're controlled and made by the users. Programs are what make up our world wide web, and where would we be without the www? Not here, reading about being in Tron, that's for sure. You'd probably be out doing something important or improving you're mind by reading some fantastic book, but more than likely you'd be sleeping or eating, and this blog is probably got a 50/50 chance of being better than that, so I say yay for the programs. 
2. IDENTITY DISC: Not only is an identity disc a cool accessory, but it tells you're entire life history, and that means you have to remember less and less, and be able to fill that brain with more important tasks, like being a program for instance. Your identity disc can also be used as a weapon, and everyone on the grid could use a good weapon when used in...
3. THE GAMES: Yes, the games are deadly, but who doesn't love a good gladiatorial fight now and then? (Other than the programs who actually have to play in the games...) The games are exciting and fun, when you're not playing in them, but when you are watching. Everyone, even programs, need some good wholesome entertainment, and the major benefit about the games is no blood, so it's fun that the whole family can enjoy.When the games aren't your cup of tea there is always... 
4. LIGHT CYCLE MATCHES: Original or new, you know that the light cycle matches are the major tourist attraction when visiting the grid. Split second decisions keep you alive or the exact opposite of alive, and who doesn't love that kind of tension? The benefit of being a program and competing in a light cycle match... well it's clear isn't it? It's bragging rights when you get back home to all your program friends and family! 
5. CASTOR: (played my Michael Sheen) is by far my favorite Tron character ever, original and new. Who wouldn't want to visit the Grid just to spend time with this guy??

 
 Mondays are Top 5 Reasons days, so stay tuned for more.

Top 5 Reasons Why I Wish I Was A Zombie

Zombie me (Halloween a few years ago)

Now if there is one thing I love, it's zombies and zombie related things. Zombie movies are the best, zombie graphic novels, the best, zombie costumes, the bestest, zombie songs, even bestestessst. I love it all.

BRAINS!

 
1. DECAYING, BUT NOT DEAD: Or are they? Who knows! Zombies from all different stories are somewhat mysterious creatures, and who wouldn't want to be a mysterious creature? One that tons of people fear? Ultimate power! (Sort of.) Their creepy-ness is something that makes them cool, and I have always wanted to be one of the cool kids.
2. BRAINS: BRAINS BRAINS BRAINS (desire for) BRAINS BRAIN BRAINS BRAINS BRAINS BRAINS BRAINS BRAINS BRAINS BRAINS BRAINS BRAINS BRAINS BRAINS BRAINS BRAINS
3. SPEED: There are many different depictions of how fast a zombie moves, if you're going with the classic Night of the Living Dead kind of zombie, they are pretty slow, but if your going with Dawn of the Dead type zombie, then you are a pretty fast runner. Personally I would go with the Dawn of the Dead type, that way I could scare more and chase better, henceforth catching more brains to feed my brainless decaying body. 
4. STRENGTH IN NUMBERS: If you're going for a more Walking Dead type of zombie, then you have to believe in the fact that there is strength in numbers. Things are always easier with a little help from your friends, and having the undead as your friend is even better. Hunting together, walking together, moaning together, looking like you have no thoughts at all together, munchin on some brains together, it's just good friendly fun that you can share with others. Remember strength in numbers always increases your chance of NOT getting shot in the head (or axed, or hammered, or what-have-you). 
5. HOLLYWOOD CELEBRITY: Now, I know you must be thinking, "Huh?," and "What?," but I am thinking, "Yes." Everyone involved in a zombie apocalypse knows who (or should I say what) you are because you are the current hot topic. What would be trending most on Twitter during a zombie apocalypse, well duh, ZOMBIES! and that is exactly what you are. You are the talk of the town and totally hip on the new undead trend. Totally rad.
   
   
   Two of my favorite zombie songs - The Briefs - The Anorexic Olsen Twin

Top 5 Reasons Why I Wish I Had A Pet Alien

After watching all of the Alien movies I thought (the obviously thought I'm sure everyone would have), "How wonderful would it be to own one of those as pets?!" So her is a list of my 5 reasons why I wish I had a pet Alien. 

Me backpacking with my pet Alien.

1. PREDATORY CREATURE: Now first you are probably thinking, "But Victoria! Wouldn't this pet Alien attack you and use your body as a host to birth more Aliens!?," and to that comment I would say, "No way Jose!," because I'm envisioning this Alien-to-owner relationship to be built purely on love (see Alien: Resurrection to see what I mean). So while this creature is obviously a predator, he would be protecting ME and only ME. While some people might see this as a downer, I see this as a major advantage. See someone you don't like? Sick your Alien on them and they will no longer be a problem. It's like an attack dog, of huge proportion. 
2. ACID BLOOD: What situation can you see for acid blood? SO MANY! You got a photo you want to hang, but no hammer to bang in that nail, call over your loyal Alien and have him snip out a little acid blood. Trying to dig a hole in your garden and don't have a shovel but don't wanna get your pretty little finger's dirty? Call over that Alien and spill some of that acid blood. Got fabric you want to cut a hole in but can't find your scissors? Acid blood it. There are many different situations where acid blood can come in handy. Just wait for the many opportunities! 
3. BIG ALIEN HEADS: Big heads are not a negative thing at all, in fact they are very advantageous to any situation. Obviously the bigger the head, the better the brain capacity, meaning smart ass pet. My pet Alien could write my essays, solve long math problems, and perhaps attend classes for me in the future once it has ultimate training. 
4. PLANTIGRADE & DIGITIGRADE: This fact applies to #3 of my list as well (attending classes as me) because when my pet Alien walks as a plantigrade organism (walking on two feet) it can walk side by side with me, like a good friend, while when it decides to go into digitigrade mode (walking on 4 legs) then it can take the position as a lovely pet at all times. 
5. INNER MOUTH: Who doesn't love the little baby mouth inside the Alien's regular mouth? When you get bored with regular old Alien pet you can talk to the little alien who is one hundred times cuter. 

Top 5 Reasons I Wish I Was Predator

So Aaron and I have been watching a lot of Predator and Alien (Alien version of this coming soon) and I've been inspired to bring out the inner alien in me, so here are the top 5 reasons I would love to be Predator.

Real life rendition if I was Predator (blood from a zombie Halloween costume)

1. ALIEN SPECIES: Predator is first and foremost a badass alien. Now, it's easy to say that every person out there reading this loves aliens and wishes that in another life they will become an alien, and I am definetly one of those people. Aliens are always crazy ass creatures and that is something I aspire to be. 
2. INVISIBILITY-ISH CAMOUFLAGE: Predator can do that cool clear outline thing that helps him become sort of, somewhat, invisible. Now this may not seem like that big of an advantage because every time Predator does become "invisible" people can still see him, so who knows what real advantage that has, but, uhm hello? That's badass.
3. FISHNET OUTFIT: Now for some reason Predator finds it essential to his "look" to always be wearing a fishnet body outfit, why you ask? Who the fuck knows why, but it's obviously purely for fashion. Now you can say that Predator is horrible and a gruesome creature, but he's got a fashion sense that keeps him motivated at all times, clearly.
4. ARTHROPOD-LIKE MANDIBLES: Every time Predator takes off his mask you see his great smile, that crazy pincher-like mouth and I know if you're like me, you're thinking, "Who does his teeth?!" And then the envy just washes over you as you wish your mouth was as creative and extreme as his. The benefits of such a mouth are thus:
        - No chewing problem: no matter how tough your food is, it's going down nice and smooth.
        - Dental hygiene: now I know you're thinking that with a mouth that big and so many oddly placed teeth that keeping those pearly whites always shining would be a challenge, but I think not, because you just crack that mouth open wide and you don't have to try to get that brush in small places because the teeth are all there, easily accessed. Plus no flossing needed.
        - A+ smile: you will always look great in photos.
5. GREEN GLOWING BLOOD: I'm sure you're wondering what the benefits of green glowing blood is, but it's quite obvious. When you get shot or stabbed or otherwise wounded while trying to kill humans, it's easy to see where the wound is and take care of it in proper time to prevent infections and the such. 

So as you can see from my top 5 reasons I would love to be Predator, the benefits of being Predator are really endless.
Do you agree? Do you feel there are more benefits? Let me know if you think there are better reasons that should of made the top 5.